


#Tomlinshaw

by ariadne_odair



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: And in love, Established Relationship, M/M, They are married, and do domestic things, and pranks calls by the radio1 crew, and shopping, beware watermelons, like making out on sofas, sappy domestic husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 15:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2586752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariadne_odair/pseuds/ariadne_odair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> "Louis William, if you touch that - "</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Nicholas Peter - "</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Don't use my middle name - "</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Don't have such a shitty middle name then - "</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"My middle name is not shitty - "</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Louis gives him another one of those looks, and reaches for the watermelon. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or, Nick and Louis enjoy married life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	#Tomlinshaw

**Author's Note:**

> Heeey :) um, I wrote this in like an hour, it's just a bit of nice old tomlinshaw so :) er, hope you like it!

_The awkward questions_

 

"Don't you dare touch that."

Louis gives him a look. Louis has this startling ability of conveying things with just his facial expressions, generally derogatory sentences with a swear word or fifteen. It's a specialised talent.

"What you going to do if I do?"

"Louis," Nick says, in a very calm voice, "Louis, I swear to god."

"You may not like watermelon," Louis says flatly, "but I do. I love watermelon, why are you trying to deprive me of that?"

"You don't love watermelon," Nick says through gritted teeth, "do you remember what happened last time we brought watermelon? You and Niall got pissed, and I somehow ended up scrubbing watermelon seeds out of the carpet. And I literally have no filler between those two actions. I don't. You were drunk, and then there was watermelon juices bleeding out on my walls."

"I'm going to get it." Louis reaches for the watermelon. Nick kicks him in the shin. Louis dodges, because he is a tiny little elf child, with serious flexibility. Nick normally applauds this, primarily in the bedroom and not when Louis is being a cock in Waitrose.

"Louis William, if you touch that - "

"Nick Peter - "

"Don't use my middle name - "

"Don't have such a shitty middle name then - "

"My middle name is not shitty - "

Louis gives him another one of those looks, and reaches for the watermelon.

"You get that and I'm divorcing you."

"Really?"

Nick jumps about four foot at the small voice from behind him. Louis also jumps, but he recovers quicker, and then pretends he hadn't been startled. He's like those cats that fall off hedges and things, and then fluff their fur up and pretend it didn't happen.

The voice belongs to a small girl with blond hair. She looks about eight, with braids and a pink t-shirt, blinking blue eyes at them. The t-shirt has a picture of  _One Direction_ on it. It's in Louis' twink era, because he's wearing  _suspenders._ _Suspenders._ Nick may black out for a bit. 

"Are you really going to get a divorce?" the little girl asks, bottom lip trembling. "My mum and dad got divorced, I don't live with my sister any more."

"We're not divorcing, love," Louis says softly, that tender voice he gets when he's talking to little kids. If Nick had ovaries, they would probably be fluttering by now. As is, he just has an insanely fit husband, so he just watches on with a smile he knows is probably stupid.

Louis kneels beside the little girl, smiling. Nick can see the way he has little laughter lines by his eyes. "What's your name, sweetie? I like your shirt."

"Narcissist," Nick mumbles, and Louis gives him a dirty look.

"Lucy. You're Louis from _One Direction_." She pronounces it  _Lewis._

Lucy narrows her eyes, that judgemental look only very young children and old ladies on the bus can manage. "You were arguing, though. My mum and dad argued loads before they split up."

"Well, Lucy," Louis says quietly, "sometimes people do argue, but they still love each other a lot. You don't get on with your sister all the time, right?"

"No, sometimes she won't let me play with her," Lucy pouts, "and she eats all the cake, and she won't paint my nails, even though I always paint hers."

"Ah, that's rough," Nick says, hoping he doesn't sound too much like a colossal twat. "My sister wouldn't paint my nails either."

Lucy nods knowingly. "That's so mean."

Nick sighs dramatically. "It's a burden I have to bear."

Louis shoots him an unimpressed look, but Nick can see were his lips are tugging up at the corners, trying to conceal a smile. "Exactly, but you still love your sister? Even though you argue?"

"I guess," Lucy sighs, then brightens when she looks to her left. "I see my mummy! I have to go now." She gives them a big smile, toothy where she's lost her baby teeth. 

Louis watches her go with a soft smile on his face. Nick slips an arm around him, tucking Louis' pliant body into his side. He's wearing Nick's  _Dr Dre_ t-shirt, green beanie with his feathery fringe peeking out. He looks soft and cuddly, and Nick's chest squeezes with affection.

"That was cute," Nick says gently, nudging Louis with his hip. "You've done that before, right?"

Louis gently wiggles out of his arms, grabbing the shopping basket off Nick. "Spoken to tiny humans? Yes, I can say I've experienced it. Considering my mum didn't stop at giving birth to just me, you idiot."

"I mean explained to little children the intricacies of divorce," Nick says quietly. Louis has his back to him, browsing the apples, but Nick can see the way his body stiffens. "When your mum and dad broke up?"

Louis doesn't say anything for a little bit, swaying on his feet. He clears his throat after a moment. "Yeah. I helped explain it to Lottie and the others. I couldn't let mum do it by herself, you know?"

"I know," Nick says. Louis deliberately doesn't look at him, and Nick can see where a slight tremor runs through his hand. He feels like his chest is squeezing again, a pressure pushing down onto his ribcage.

Nick picks up the watermelon and puts it in the shopping basket.

Louis doesn't say anything, but he holds Nick's hand all the way to the checkout.

 

 

 

 

_Harry (who deserves his own heading)_

The thing is, before Nick got his head out of his arse, realised what a catch Louis was, and snogged him at Harry's Christmas party three years ago, Louis may have been a tiny bit jealous of Harry and Nick.

Okay. More than a little. A lot. A huge amount. To the point where he wanted to punch Harry, which can honestly say has never ever been a urge of his. A light maiming, yes, but he's never wanted to  _deck him._

Louis doesn't deal well with people ignoring him, is loud and obnoxious, just to get people to pay some attention. He's never going to be the best singer (Zayn, Liam, Harry), the cutest (Niall), the sexiest (Zayn), or the worst tweeter (hands down, King Payne, though Louis is probably a close second).

Anyway, he's never going to be any of those things, so he might as well be the funny one. The loud one. He doesn't care if he doesn't make a good impression, as long as he _makes one._

So when Haz first met Nick, and Louis realised how completely out of his depths he was, he was thrown off. Louis doesn't read shitty hipster books, he doesn't shop in charity shops, he doesn't like black and white films, and he'd rather slam his tongue in a car then listen to  _records._

So fair to say he's jealous at first, jealous at how close Louis and Nick are, especially as it comes at a time when he and Harry  _aren't_ allowed to appear close, not least in public. He's left out and fed up, and he can't tell Harry, because Harry's desperate for them to get along.

And then he kind of wants Nick's attention as well (something he won't realise until months of carefully repressed emotions, and won't admit unless on pain of death - really painful death, not some pissy passive method of torture, real extreme murder he's talking here.)

But when he and Nick actually finally get together - well. Louis could almost cry the irony is so good. 

They're at Harry's flat, his London one, not his fancy LA one. It's him, Nick and Louis, which is a pretty common occurrence now they've come out. The fans are convinced they're all having a threesome. Louis finds it hilarious. Nick, less so, which probably only amplifies Louis' humour.

"Nick, and then the man was like - "

"Louis," Nick murmurs. Louis grins up at him. He's happily perched in Nick's lap, Nick's arm wrapped around his back. Louis is drunk, which means he's horny, which means he's slowly grinding his hips against Nicks. Nick is objecting by any stretch of imagination. Louis' hands are fisted in his soft hair, and Nick's head is tilted back, exposing the pale column of his neck.

" - and how is that even possible, Nick? I don't like cauliflower - "

Louis begins to kiss Nick's neck, hot and open mouthed. He scrapes his teeth against Nick's pulse point, just hard enough to hurt, then swipes his tongue over the broken skin in apology. Nick whines beneath him, and it's heady, dizzy feeling in control like this.

" - and then the car, Nick, oh my god, the  _car - "_

Louis lets his hand fall down between them, gently trailing over Nick's jeans. Nick's hard, Louis can feel it, and his hips buck up. Louis is grinning by now, turned on himself. He gasps when Nick ruts against him slowly, the friction amazing against his hard dick.

The front door slams.

Louis looks up, startled. "Um, did Harry  _leave?"_ He pauses. " _His own house?"_

"Who cares, want to fuck you," Nick whines, and yeah, Louis doesn't really care either. Harry comes back just as they're lying there post-coital. He shouts at them for about three minutes about come stains, but Louis snogs Nick for two and a half minutes of it, then tugs Nick out the door.

 

 

 

_On air_

"Let's play Call or Delete."

"No," Nick says immediately. Ian is staring pointedly at his monitor. Fiona has physically ducked down behind her own screen, and Matt is smiling. It is not a reassuring smile. Nick physically feels threatened.

"Why are you giving me that look?" Nick says suspiciously, "this is getting weird, stop doing that thing with your face."

"I'm  _smiling."_

"Yeah, it's creepy. Knock it off."

"We're playing it any way," Fiona announces, and then  _pulls Nick's phone out of her pocket._ Nick doesn't even remember when she did it, she must have super powers or something. Nick's pretty sure that was in his back pocket, so he evidently doesn't even know when he's being  _groped._

"We're playing it with Nick's phone for the benefit of the listeners," Matt announces, "he currently looks like he's going to have a break down, if anyone's interested."

"I hate you," Nick says flatly, "can we got to a break or something? I've forgotten what the weather's going to be like, let's listen to Tina again."

"Nope," Ian says happily. He takes the phone from Fiona, handing it to Nick. Nick slides the lock screen, glaring at his traitorous producers the whole time. 

His screen photo is a picture of Louis. It is not a romantic picture. He and Louis currently have a competition going to see who can get the worst picture of each other, a drunken bet that Niall was inexplicably involved in. Nick has a picture of Louis with toothpaste dribbling down his chin. Louis has a particularly unappealing photo of Nick throwing up in the toilet.

He  _wasn't_ drunk by the way, he had some disgusting bug going round. Louis had held his hair back, gotten him a glass a water and some pills, and had still managed to take a photo. Louis pretends to be loving and supportive, but he's really a dick.

"Okay, scroll," Fiona says, then stops after too short awhile. She probably gave it a run through, timed it precisely so it would fall on Louis' name.

"You timed that didn't you," Nick tells her, "you are all psychotic, you definitely practised that. Finchy, don't think I don't see that stop watch under your desk."

Finchy flips him off, and they have a silent gesture war before Ian coughs pointedly. "So Nick, who's name could you have possibly fallen on?"

Nick sighs dramatically. "Strangely, I have fallen on my hubby's number."

"Yeah, but it's not saved in your contacts as hubby, is it?" Matt says dryly, and Fiona smacks her head on the desk she's laughing so hard.

"It's saved as Louis Tomlinson, that is it," Nick says flatly. His tone could literally get no flatter. He has the flattest voice going. "That it is the stone cold truth."

"For the listeners, and members of the public who support telling the truth," Matt grins, "Nick has saved his husband as babe with three 'e's, then a slash sign, the 'bane of my existence,' followed by three hearts, a prawn, a goat and seven kisses."

"Stop laughing," Nick says. He's deleting Louis off his contacts after this. He will literally never electronically contact his husband again.

"Call him, call him, call him," Matt chants, and so Nick does, only to stop a war dance breaking out.

Louis picks up on the fifth ring. Nick goes for cheap and cheerful. "Hiya, love, what you doing?"

"I know I'm on your stupid show."

Louis' voice is raspy, and he's probably only just woken up. Nick imagines him curled around a cup of tea, sitting in their kitchen. It makes a warm, heavy feeling settle in his chest, makes his bones ache to be there with Louis. "The breakfast show is not stupid."

"No, just you are," Louis grumps, "you and your producers."

Ian, Fiona and Matt all make matching shocked faces. Nick gives them a threeway incredulous look. He may go a bit cross eyed. "All right, someone's a bit cranky. Did you not sleep well?"

"Don't be inappropriate," Louis sniffs, and Fiona is howling by this point. 

"I'm hanging up now," Nick says, "oh no, wait a sec. What am I saved as in your phone?"

"Hipster wouldn't want to be ya," Louis says without hesitation. "I'm taking Pig for a walk now, can you get fabric detergent on the way home, please?"

"Come pick me up," Nick offers. Lou does that sometimes, waits for him outside the studio. Greets him with a  _Gregs_ sausage roll and a kiss. Sometimes Pig gets in the back, scrabbles over the divider in ecstasy when she sees Nick. They normally walk her in the park, holding hands, which is something he has never taken for granted and never will.

"Yeah, all right then," Louis says after a beat, letting out a yawn. Nick bets he looks ridiculously cute right now. "Okay, get back to pretending to work."

"I don't pretend to work," Nick argues. It sounds hopelessly fond, even to his ears. He gestures at the others, which is pointless because Louis can't see him, but his brain goes a bit mushy when he hears Louis' voice. Not that he'd ever admit that to Louis, his head is big enough as it is. "My producers are the slackers. Fincham is the  _worst."_

"Hm," Louis says sceptically, but there's warmth infused in that single syllable. "All right, liar. See you later, babe. Love you."

"Love you too," Nick says automatically, then turns bright red. It's not like him and Louis don't say it to each other, whisper it, sing it, shout it violently when Nick's trying to convince himself not to file for divorce, but not normally on  _national radio._ He thinks he hears Louis snort before he hangs up, the little beast, and he tries very hard not to face palm. 

There's a long silence after that, until Matt clears his throat and says, "And in recent news, our listener ratings have just gone through the roof."

Nick kicks Matt's wheely chair so hard he falls out of it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! kudos and comments are everything! :)
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr! :)](http://ariadneodair.tumblr.com/)


End file.
